Broconian Law

     Recently, I was asked to elaborate upon the rules of conduct men follow when interacting with each other. Simply put, I was asked to explain the "Bro Code." As I sat, struggling to come up with a response that adequately encapsulated the governing dynamics of male relationships, I was forced to acknowledge that I knew very little about the particulars of the Code beyond hypothetical scenarios I'd discussed with my friends in the past. Later, asking around for the opinions of both men and women (sometimes, an outsider's perspective can be very illuminating), I realized that not one person shared the exact same opinion as to the requirements of the Code when faced with a difficult ethical decision.
     After a good bit of research and opinion-hunting, I've come to the conclusion that the Bro Code is little more than the Superego with a penis. Men half-joke at times, about how there are certain things one man does not do to another. For example, "Do not try to date a woman that a male friend has declared their interest in." This leads to competition between friends, which can become bitter enmity lasting several years depending on the outcome. Another example is "Do not date your best friend's sister." This is a conflict of interest for the best friend and for you, as any difficulties arising within the relationship immediately become the purview of your entire social circle, rather than a private matter.
     Despite how seemingly black-and-white the above examples may seem to be, there are countless more possible choices which fall into an obfuscated area where decisions become a scaled system weighing potential outcomes against anticipated consequences. Here is where individual opinions begin to vary, where lines in the sand are drawn at different points. Every man is different, has unique opinions and boundaries. How then, can any Code of Laws, brotherly or otherwise, truly govern the actions of an entire gender? In short, they can't and don't. Although groups of men may choose similarly when faced with an identical ethical quandry, the responses to situations testing the Bro Code are overall impossible to predetermine. Some men do not care about the consequences of their actions and will not hesitate to sleep with their best friend's sister, or cut their friend out of a potential romance if opportunity presents itself. Those who choose such a path are often maligned by their male peers and, in some cases, ostracized. But, the question then must be asked, "Is such a choice the wrong one?"
     Every person, man or woman, has the right to make their own decisions. Often, we worry about how our choices will affect others, about the ripples we might make in the water. Because of that fear, either indecision is born, allowing for the situation to fester and become a larger problem, or we make the choice that causes us pain, but is the more "noble" from a group perspective. This, then, is the purpose of the Bro Code: To act as a system of checks and balances for men in order to preserve the unity of a social group where it is more important to maintain civility than to risk a collapse of the interpersonal infrastructure.
     I do not mean to imply from my earlier question that I disagree with the importance of the Bro Code's function. I do, however, believe that an inordinate amount of importance is granted to potentially biased interpretations of what is right or wrong between same-sex groups (Aside: Women have their own variant of the Bro Code, colloquially known as the Chick Code. From what I heard and read, infractions are treated much more harshly by women within their own social groups than men do in theirs.) Here then, I return to discussing that "gray area" between an obviously poor choice and an obviously good one. Sure, it's easy to recognize that sleeping with your friend's sister is wrong, but what if you're genuinely attracted to her and (in a perfect world) she feels the same way toward you? Is it worth the risk and the momentous transfiguration of group politics for the chance to have a genuinely fulfilling relationship? In my opinion, I'd say that it is, but that the man interested in the sister should talk to his friend/her brother first, give a little forewarning and maybe warm him up to the idea first.
     Moving even further into the nebulous area between right and wrong, the rules change dramatically when the proximity between two or more men is removed. In essence, when two men from different social circles (perhaps distantly connected through a third or even a fourth party) come into a situation requiring a close examination of the Bro Code for guidance...the Code fails to deliver. There is no clear answer at all, simply the opinions of those involved. The outcome then is decided more by personal morality than by social obligation. The logic sounds cold, but truthfully, any enmity created in situations such as these is far less problematic to handle than an equal measure of ire from a much closer friend. That logic applies beyond the Bro Code's purview to any situation involving social difficulties between individuals or groups.
    As I said, opinions on the gray areas can be incredibly biased. Reaching into my bag of personal experiences, my first real relationship was with a girl who both my best friend and myself were attracted to. As there were only three of us in our little group at the time, this was a big deal. For over a year, I remained quiet while he pursued a romance and was repeatedly denied the opportunity. Finally, it came to light that not only was I interested in her, but the reverse was true as well. Unfortunately, this information came out publicly...with my best friend in the room. (Second aside: This is also the reason I try very hard to avoid ever playing the game Truth or Dare, and if I do, I always choose Dare. Dare is safer, believe me.) I remember how awkward it was, he and I riding back to his house afterward, how when he thought I was asleep he prayed to God and told Him that he hated Him. *Apologies if the pronouns became confusing to follow* My friend and I were not comfortable with each other for the next three years. So, I ask, did I violate the Bro Code? Did I breach etiquette when I took my chance after knowing that my friend had had his? I know that I started off following the Code, but after so long, knowing all that I did, was I in the wrong? Personally, I don't have a damn clue. Thankfully, that time is years and miles away.